Some marriage customs

This is my first blog, i hope to get suggestions to improve further and appreciation if i was able to bring different perspective of customs that we follow in India. In today's busy world we tend to hear little bit about some custom and we make our opinion regarding that very quickly and then we either try to trash that quickly or sometimes we don't think over it and just keep on following that even if some change is required in that. Some of our customs were well thought of during prevalent times and they were really good Ritis but with change in time few might have become Kuritis and need some changes to it In India, getting married in life is one of the biggest event in one's life and marriages are also an ocean of customs that we are religiously following for long long time. There are couple of things we associate with wedding, food/party and the dowry, lets not jump in the conclusion yet. Let me take few of the customs we follow in marriage and put my perspective and then you can ponder over them on whether they are still required or needs to be changed as per our times. In earlier days, when people were not so rich as in today's world providing feast to groom and his family was big task especially when Baarat used to stay for couple of days. It was difficult for bride's family to manage all that financially. That led to birth of few traditions where others pitched in. Kanyadaan: This was small contribution from the village or other family friends of the bride's family to them. This was community support.
There was one more variation to this, ek purana or ek naya(i don't have name for it so just made one and older people connected with village can vouch for it). Person A gives some money say Rs one to Person B at his daughter's marriage and when daughter of Person A was to get married then Person B will repay the older Rs one and give another Rs one. This used to continue.
Bhaat: This is the contribution maternal uncle used to make. Bhad-Bhaat: This is the contribution brother of grand-mother's used to make. In today's world when we splurge and mindless display of wealth during the weddings & still expect "Lifafas" from guests. Is this the right expectation? Why not to tone down on weddings instead of expecting & accepting money anyone or everyone. Gifts/dowry: In earlier days boys/girls used to get married as soon as they were born or during their adolescent age itself. Children might have reached puberty but mentally they were not ready especially when children used to stay at home with their mothers. Most of the time children used to be shy and were taught not to speak much in front of others. Boy will scot-free but girls were not that lucky as they used to stay at their home. And their shyness doesn't allow them to speak to anyone in her new home. What she will do for all her needs then? This led girl's parent to give something to her as the time of her marriage so that she doesn't have to ask someone, be it clothes for couple of years or some money for her to get fulfill other needs. Remember that time parents were not a phone call away. Time kept on changing and this custom changed and its meaning also. Earlier girl's father used to give for girl's survival with his own wish and today sometime bride's family is asked to give, sometime in name of custom, sometime social pressure or sometime he really wants his daughter to inherit him just like other sons. Something for groom's family to find what is the real intention and whether they should expect anything from bride's parents.

Comments

  1. Jagdish MuthariaMay 25, 2020 at 6:41 PM

    As we all know that change is the only constant in this world. There is no debt nowadays about Riti and when they become Kuriti. I feel our forefathers were much wise as they made Ritis to support and manage their life. We have become blind followers and hesitate to question these Ritis.

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